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Member News - July 2004

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This newsletter is designed especially for YOU if:

In this issue:

  1. Is Divorce The Answer? A Startling Finding
  2. Finding Renewed Marital Happiness
  3. Wow = Words Of Wisdom
  4. How To Eliminate The #1 Destroyer Of Relationships
  5. About Partners In Life

Is Divorce The Answer? A Startling Finding

by Linda A. Marshall, M.Div.,
Director of Couples Programs

With the release of former President Clinton's autobiography and the round of interviews, we learned that he and Hillary and, on occasion, Chelsea, participated in 8 hours a week of marital and family therapy in an effort to save their marriage and heal their family. They did this for over a year.

Many have been critical of Hillary for staying with her husband and accused her of co-dependence and relationship addiction. With the divorce rate at approximately 57%, many thought she would have been wiser to have divorced him.

Many who divorce do so because they believe they will be happier. However, research does not bearthis out. Linda J. Waite, Don Browning, and other researchers who analyzed data from the National Survey of Families and Households found that most people who get divorced are not happier, even five years later. This was true across the board regardless of age, race, education, income, or parental status. The only exception was the relief experienced by those who divorced because of a physically violent relationship.

Even more amazing, two-thirds of unhappily married couples who stayed married reported that they were happily married five years later. And the couples who were the most unhappy and stayed married had the most dramatic turnaround; 78 percent of them went from very unhappy to happily married in five years.

The researchers collected stories about why these couples stayed together and how they turned their marriages around. You can read their stories in the booklet, “Does Divorce Make People Happy?” It is available from the Institute for American Values at 212-246-3942. Or you can read the results of this research in “The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, & Better Off Financially” written by Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher.

What these researchers found is that many were motivated to stay because of commitment to personal, practical and moral considerations, not marital happiness. The high financial cost of divorce deterred some. The fact that almost half of women with children become poor after divorce deterred many who were mothers.

Many women stayed for the benefit of the children, even though they didn't believe marriage was necessary to being a mother. Many of the men who were fathers, however, realized that in order to participate fully in their children's lives, they needed to stay married. They were concerned about the impact of other men coming into their children's homes and lives. They considered divorce to be a worse alternative to an unhappy marriage.

While no one can predict what will happen to you if you divorce or stay married, the chances are that staying married is more likely to make you happy than divorce… except for those in physically violent marriages. Divorce can improve that situation. However, if you were happily married five years ago, as three fourths of divorcing people report, you may be in for a dramatic decrease in your well-being after divorce. If you are able to stick it out when the going gets rough as it does in most marriages, you have a 66 percent chance of becoming happy again compared to a 20 percent chance if you get divorced.

And so, perhaps Hillary was going with a wisdom within herself that was deeper than the popular notions in our divorce-prone culture. What is significant for the Clinton's is that they were willing to work hard to save their marriage. Few among us are willing to devote eight hours a week for over a year to our marriages.

If the President of the United States can find time in his schedule to give eight hours a week, few of us can justify not taking the time to nurture our marriages. If we do that, we are more likely to never get in the position of needing to find the time to save it. That is a prime benefit of working with a Relationship Coach. Engaging a coach to hold you accountable to nurturing your marriage is the best prevention to having to find the time to save it.

Finding Renewed Marital Happiness

based on research by Linda J. Waite & others

In their research, Waite discovered that couples found renewed marital happiness in three ways:

  1. They simply waited for time to pass. One wife said, "Just ride it out, and try not to bitch so much." Eventually, jobs, children orsituations improved.
  2. Like the Clinton's, they worked on their marriages, often with outside help. They preferred assistance from someone who believed in their marriage, not a neutral party. They wanted someone who would advocate for their marriage.
  3. Unhappy individuals changed their lives rather than the marriage. Happiness with the marriage improved when spouses invested in a career or developed interests and friendships outside the marriage.

Former President Clinton noted the great benefit he received from the marital and family therapy they received. He said that even if their marriage had not survived, he found the process to be very worthwhile for him.

Relationship Coaches are trained to be advocates for the marriage, to maintain and increase the positive energy in the relationship, so that couples do not get in the position of having to save their marriage.

At the Relationship Coaching Institute, we have many talented coaches, highly trained and passionately committed to preventing the pain of divorce by increasing the fulfillment experienced in one of the most challenging of human experiences, learning to live with and love another person—and do it with maturity and grace.

WOW = WORDS OF WISDOM

A friend of mine gave her son these words of wisdom the week before his wedding. Perhaps if President Clinton had been given these loving words, he would not have had the marital difficulties he has experienced.

“There is you, there is your wife, and there is your relationship.

Your relationship is more important than you or your wife. You need to nurture your relationship first. Make your relationship your highest priority and treat your wife like a queen. If you do that, she will make you a king among kings.”

How To Eliminate The #1 Destroyer Of Relationships

NEW book by Paul and Layne Cutright! “How To Get Over It- For Good.” Learn the Secret to Eliminating Forever the #1 Destroyer of Your Most Important Relationships.

If you are ready to rid your life of hurt feelings, blame, anger, upsets, arguments and misunderstandings . . . then get ready to learn a profound secret that will change your life and relationships forever.

In this practical step-by-step program, Paul and Layne show you exactly how you can uncover the real cause of any problem or upset, stop the pain and halt the slide toward more upset and disappointment, every single time.

The result: joyful, close and fulfilling relationships that are no longer poisoned by bad feelings, hurt, anger, and the inevitable "distance" that follows.

This book will reveal to you the newest and most powerful conflict resolution tool ever created - and the last you will ever need.

You will learn a simple, easy to learn, step-by-step proprietary method to neutralize, clarify, and resolve any upset you may encounter . . . with lovers, business partners, co-workers, family members, children and any other relationship that is important to you . . . even unsettling news you see on the television or other experiences you have in life . . . absolutely anything at all that upsets you in any way.

You will not find this knowledge or these tools any place else.

Only $24.95 AND includes a 100% money-back guarantee: http://QuickPayPro.com/x/qpp.cgi?adminid=1970&id=32740&pid=11851

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Visit our web site at http://www.partnersinlife.org/members/newsletter/ for past issues of this newsletter, as well as useful articles for couples including:

IMPORTANT PARTNERSINLIFE.ORG INFORMATION

PartnersinLife.org, is a resource for couples offered by Relationship
Coaching Institute, a worldwide relationship coaching organization
dedicated to helping singles 'find the love of your life AND the life that
you love'; to helping new couples ‘make a wise choice in a life partner’;
and to helping any couple ‘fine tune and keep their relationship
healthy and fulfilling.’ For more information about us, please visit our
web site at http://wwww.partnersinlife.org

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Want to make sure you are making a wise choice in a life partner?
Want to make sure your relationship stays healthy?
What to give your relationship a fine-tuning?
Get a Relationship Coach!
Check out our coaches at:
http://www.partnersinlife.org/coach/indexc.htm

NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your
life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Invest in your future with our 5-week PARTNERS IN LIFE:
A Relationship Success Program for pre-committed couples.
This program is affordable, fun, positive, enlightening, and
the best relationship insurance you can get!

FOR INFORMATION visit http://www.partnersinlife.org.

Join PARTNERSINLIFE.ORG at http://www.partnersInlife.org
for cutting-edge information and resources for couples.

You will be glad you did!
***Please share this with new couples that you care about.

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Want support to have a great relationship? Get a Relationship Coach!
Check out our coaches at: http://www.partnersinlife.org/coach

===============

Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with couples
and singles? If you want to know more about adding Relationship
Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit
http://www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

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Please share this newsletter with your single and couple friends,
family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!

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Questions or comments about this newsletter?
Contact Linda Marshall, Editor
Director of Couples Programs, Relationship Coaching Institute
Linda@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
http://www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org

To subscribe to this newsletter, send a blank e-mail to:
LPQ-7513@autocontactor.com or visit http://lifepartnerquest.com/subscribe.htm

Copyright notice: This newsletter is copyrighted and all rights are reserved.
Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship
is included.

The Relationship Coaching Institute is a worldwide relationship
Coaching organization dedicated to helping singles 'find the love
of your life AND the life that you love' and helping couples
co-create fulfilling life partnerships. For more information about
us, please visit our web site at
http://www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org