Speaker Series
Friday Speaker Series
July 25, 2003 (a past program)
Invitation to this program:
- "Conversations: Engaging and Disengaging- Practice, Practice, Practice!"
- With: Carol Daly, CHT, MRET
Would you benefit from learning and practicing how to:
· Begin and engage in a conversation?
· Say "Yes" when you mean yes?
· Say "No" when you mean no?
· Ask to meet again/exchange contact information?
· Disengaging and moving on?
If so, come and join us as we practice "The Art of Engaging and Disengaging" to develop skills and confidence. Working in small groups we will have scripts to guide us through the various stages of conversation. Then we will personalize the ideas presented so you can make them fit you.
Carol Daly CHT, MRET has been helping people save time and heartache, reduce frustration and reach their goals by going beyond simply understanding the why and how of their lives, to developing tools and resources that are quick, effective and meaningful. A variety of processes useful for releasing limitations and accessing and developing skills, abilities and inner strength are the gifts she offers to those who are wanting to get quick and effective results and continue on with their life. Carol is a Relationship Coach, Hypnotherapist and Rapid Eye Practitioner as well as the Director of Singles Programs at Relationship Coaching Institute Silicon Valley. Her main office is conveniently located in Los Altos, CA. She also sees clients in San Francisco. You can find out more at her website: www.caroldaly.com or call 650-969-3167
Review of this program:
Summary from Conversations: Engaging and Disengaging- Practice, Practice, Practice! With Carol Daly
Whether in personal or business settings, engaging and disengaging in conversations is a common communication problem. There are several ways to help yourself to effectively meet people.
The social skills and confidence of conversing come from not only learning about them but practicing them as well. By role playing and acting different scenarios we actually create the neuropathways in the brain with which to call upon when we are actually in the social situation
Using the following as the way to prepare yourself AND your body, you will find that it breaks down the steps of meeting someone into a comfortable situation. As people practiced this several times they noted they gained comfort and ease. Please practice on your own as well as with someone else.
Introduction:
Take a breath and Relax,
Take another breath,
Make eye contact,
Approach,
Smile, Say Hi
Initiate handshake,
Introduce self
In practicing the steps of an introduction many people shared that the eye contact was the hardest part, yet as they did it over a few times it became easier to do. To continue to increase your comfort level ‘practice’ on a regular basis by making eye contact with the people you meet in stores, at work, etc. In some settings you may be at some distance from them and in others closer. Continue to reach out to others and make eye contact so that it begins to feel natural.
Do you ever have that ‘deer in the headlights’ feeling when someone first comes up to you and you find yourself not fully present. To help others get out of the headlights and be more present, please use one of the following types of ideas for your introduction. We came up with several ways to help someone remember your name as well as give them time to re-orientate to the present. Practice this out loud many times as well, as you will notice it feels more natural and comfortable as you do it.
When saying your name add something to it, such as:
Hi, I am Carol, Carol Daly (Give just a moment of hesitation before you say your full name, this will allow them to actually register your name the second time they hear it.)
Hi, I’m Greg, as in Gregory (Note how this helps to keep it from being confused with Craig.)
And if your name is unusual or quite a mouthful to say, you might consider finding something that it rhymes with or something to associate it with. :
Hi, My name is __________, it rhymes with___________.
There are several different responses for disengaging. Sometimes we would like to see them again, and at times we are disengaging because it is not a match for us to continue to see them. Here are some examples of disengaging when not wanting to continue or start a relationship. Please take look at these and find ways of expressing yourself in the different categories.
And as Bob Sleeth always says ‘throw flowers’ first, then tell them what you have to say, and give them well wishes as you say goodbye. Let the ‘flowers’ you throw be authentic.
Disengage: You want further info before going out:
*Would you like to go out for dinner or a movie?
You know what, why don’t you give me your number. We can talk and find out what we have in common before pursuing an outing.
OR
I appreciate you interest. My time is very valuable and I am sure yours is too. Would you be comfortable if I ask you a couple of questions right now to find out if we have a few basics in common?
Disengaging when not interested:
Your reason does not matter: Your "No" is yours and needs no explaining. In fact an explanation usually makes the other person feel worse, try to change to please you, or try to talk you into saying yes.
*Would you like to go out? (You might add ‘Flowers’ to some of these):
· Oh thank you for asking, but I am not interested
· Thanks, but no thank you
· I am flattered that a (man/woman) like you would ask me? Sorry- I am not interested.
· No, that won’t work for me?
· It is clear to me we are not a long-term match.
· There isn’t a match for a long-term relationship.
And when the "No" hasn’t been honored:
*Do you want to go out and get to know each other better?
Very kind of you to consider me but no thank you, I am not interested.
*Why, oh come on it will be fun. (And this keeps up where you feel you aren’t being heard)
What part of no don’t you understand? Then walk away or hang up or
Disengaging after meeting 2-3 times: These also work in many first meetings as well.
(‘Flowers’ go in the blanks: humor, generosity, kindness, openness, etc.)
You are _very kind and have a wonderful sense of humor_. It is apparent that our paths are going in different directions. I hope you find that special someone soon! Good Bye
I’ve been enjoying getting to know you and appreciate your ______ and _______. In considering our interactions I’ve come to the conclusion that we are not right for a long-term committed relationship. I feel like I know what kind of partner you are looking for. If they cross my path you can be sure that I’ll call you.
I have had a great time getting to know you as ______ and _______. And for a long-term committed relationship we are just not right for each other. All the best to you.
What people learned and expressed throughout the evening:
· After doing something new a few times it became easier to do.
· Women learned that men like being approached and asked if they would like to connect again.
· That knowing what is important to you in a relationship, as well as in life, is helpful to formulate questions that are meaningful and informative.
· Being authentic feels better than trying to play a part that doesn’t fit.
· Men would rather be told "No" up front, especially if it is given with ‘flowers’, than be given excuses, put off, or lied to.
About the presenter:
Carol Daly CHT, MRET has been helping people save time and heartache, reduce frustration and reach their goals by going beyond simply understanding the why and how of their lives, to developing tools and resources that are quick, effective and meaningful. A variety of processes useful for releasing limitations and accessing and developing skills, abilities and inner strength are the gifts she offers to those who are wanting to get quick and effective results and continue on with their life. Carol is a Relationship Coach, Hypnotherapist and Rapid Eye Practitioner as well as the Director of Singles Programs at Relationship Coaching Institute Silicon Valley. Her main office is conveniently located in Los Altos, CA. She also sees clients in San Francisco. Find out more at her website: www.caroldaly.com or to make an appointment call 650-969-3167 carol@caroldaly.com