• Home
• About Us
  • About RCISV
  • RCI worldwide
• Working With Us
  • About our programs
  • Coaching teams
  • Meet your coaches
• Calendar
• Resources
  • Other Resources
  • Articles
  • Get program updates
  • Newsletters [coming soon]
• Singles
  • Introduction
  • Find your Conscious Match!
  • Readiness quiz
  • Frequently asked questions
  • Articles for SINGLES
    • 4 critical skills for singles
    • 10 principles of Conscious Dating
    • 12 dating traps and solutions
    • Facts about singles
• Couples
  • What is PartnersInLife?
  • PartnersInLife services for couples
  • Relationship coaching for couples
  • Partners for Life Program
  • Relationships Q&A
  • Testimonials
  • Articles for COUPLES
    • Elements of a healthy relationship
    • Top 5 communication tips for couples

Speaker Series

April 15, 2005

“Making Emotional Connections in Relationships”

With: with Toby Borheady, MA, MFT

Come and learn about the key to emotional connections with others: 'bids', and how to use them in relationships whether with your life partner, family, co-workers or friends. In this discussion, you will find out:

• What are 'bids for connection' and how to recognize them.
• How to connect with others using positive responses to bids.
• What your Personal Command Center is and how it affects bids and connections with others.
• How your personal heritage affects the process of connecting with others.

You won't want to miss this opportunity to learn how to ask for what you want and give and receive validation and connection.

About the presenter:
Toby Borheady, M.A., MFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in the San Jose/Campbell area.

Toby focuses her practice on her clients' relationships, whether it is with their self, family, children, siblings, life partner, and co-workers. She prefers to work in a collaborative way with her clients. She currently offers a sliding scale for those in need. You may reach her at 408 375-9242 to make an appointment.

Review of this program:

The Subject was "Making Emotional Connections in Relationships". The presenter was Toby Borheady, LMFT.

Toby talked about 5 steps to making emotional connections in relationships:

1. Analyzing bids and responses - A bid is any expression that says I want to feel connected to you: a question, a gesture, a look. A response can be positive or negative: Turning towards, turning against (sarcasm or ridicule) or Turning away (ignoring)
2. Discovering you emotional command center and how it affects bids. We discussed 7 different types of centers: commander in chief, Sensualist, Explorer, Sentry, Energy Czar, nest builder and Jester. Each of these effects how we see the world and our 'automatic' responses to it.
3. Examine how your emotional heritage affects bids. Was your family philosophy emotion dismissing, emotion disapproving, Laissez-faire or Emotion Coaching. With this information you can begin to see your communication patterns and begin to respond in a healthier way.
4. Develop emotional communication skills - It's not just the words we use. Most of our communication is delivered by tone, volume, posture, etc.
5. Finding shared meaning - To help connect with others, look for the conflicts in the idealism each party holds (job vs. family), consider the types of command systems at play and create ways to explore these to find the shared meaning.

The topic was wonderful. Everyone enjoyed finding out more about themselves and how they relate to others.