Speaker Series
July 22, 2005
- “Conscious Dating: doing it right”
- With: Wendy Slotton, PhD
The rules of dating and mating have changed. There is widespread confusion about the roles of the genders in the process, and therefore confusion regarding corresponding expectations.
In this fun and interactive evening, Dr. Wendy Slotton will explore questions such as:
- who pays for what, and when
- who calls or initiates, and when
- when (or if) do I get sexually involved
- when do I introduce my children/family/friends
- what to do when I have an issue or unmet need
- what's my exit strategy, when and how
Confusion about expectations often result in assumptions, interpretation, misunderstanding, and needless grief. Dr. Wendy will provide the tools and information to help you avoid these pitfalls, and have honest, authentic, and fun dates.
About the presenter
Wendy Slotton has a doctorate in Psychology from the University of California, is a licensed teacher of the Avatar Self-Empowerment Course and a certified relationship coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She has also completed training with the Coaches Training Institute and the Career Crafting Program. Dr. Wendy has helped hundreds of people create lives they love with love in their lives and offers coaching both in-person and over the telephone. Complimentary coaching sessions with Dr. Wendy are available to the first five callers.
In addition to working with individuals one-on-one, Dr. Wendy also facilitates group workshops and retreats. She recently led a retreat in Costa Rica, and her next Avatar course will be in San Diego, CA starting on July 30.
To schedule an appointment or for more information, contact Dr. Wendy at 415-342-1300 or DrWendy@InJoyLife.com, www.InJoyLife.com or www.CreateFulfillment.com
Review of this program:
What happens when we are unconscious about dating? When we're not conscious about dating, we rarely talk about dating roles and may feel awkward and uncomfortable. Also, we may end up feeling unhappy in relationships with people who aren't good matches for us, or feeling unhappy as these mismatches fall apart.
Why would it help to be conscious? We can examine our requirements, and consciously choose the kind of partner and relationship that is ideal for us. Conscious daters can be clear about roles and expectations up front.
"Conscious Dating" refers to socializing with people you consider candidates for a relationship while being aware of, and making choices consistent with your agenda, boundaries and goals.
1. One of the first important steps in Conscious Dating is knowing what kind of relationship you are currently seeking. Maybe you recently left a marriage and you're not ready for anything serious. A short-term recreational, nonexclusive relationship might be just right for you now. Maybe you've clarified your relationship requirements, and you know that you're ready for your life partner.
2. It's 2005, and sometimes men and women feel confused about dating roles. One area where there might be confusion is: "Who pays when the bill comes?"
Here are some common unspoken thoughts that often go through people's minds:
Woman: I'll offer to pay, but if he accepts, he's a jerk and I won't go out with him again.
Man: I'd like her to pay but if she offers should I accept or not? I'm confused!
Woman: If he's a real gentleman, he'll pay.
Man: I should pay, I'm the man.
Woman: I'd better pay my share or he might think I'll have sex with him tonight!
Man: If I let her pay, I won't get to have sex with her.
Woman: I make plenty of money, I should help pay.
Man: This is an expensive bill! I hope she offers to help pay.
When we are conscious about dating, we can avoid confusion by clearly communicating our plans up front. If you ask someone out on a date, you might want to let her/him know when you call that you are planning to pick up the tab.
Singles may wait and wonder when to call or initiate a date. You can be honest and direct, and let the person know right away if you'd like to see him/her again.
What about guidelines for sexual involvement? Instead of feeling self-conscious and uncertain, you can be open and honest, and have a conversation about sex before you start a sexual relationship.
You can also consciously decide when to introduce your "special friend" to children/family/friends. You can choose healthy ways of expressing yourself when you're uncomfortable, or have an issue or unmet need. This means that instead of hoping your partner will read your mind, you can learn to communicate clearly without blaming. Finally, you can be conscious about your exit strategies when it's time to disengage.
And, when you really do find your soul mate, be ready to open your heart, mind, body and soul and let them in!